Life Is Not a Reality Show Read online

  LIFE IS NOT A

  Reality Show

  KEEPING IT REAL WITH THE

  HOUSEWIFE WHO DOES IT ALL

  Kyle Richards

  Dedication

  This book is dedicated to my mother,

  Kathleen Richards,

  who made me feel that I could accomplish

  anything if I set my mind to it and who taught me

  that there is nothing more important in

  this world than being a mommy.

  I love and miss you so much.

  Contents

  Cover

  Title Page

  Dedication

  1 Welcome to My World

  2 Mr. Right

  3 Learn the Language

  4 The Job’s Not Over Once You’re Hired

  5 Big Kathy

  6 Mom in the House

  7 Sisterly Love

  8 My Mane Philosophy

  9 I Enjoy Being a Girl

  10 Kyle Style

  11 Mi Casa Es Su Casa

  12 A Real Housewife

  Acknowledgments

  About the Author

  Credits

  Copyright

  Photographic Insert

  About the Publisher

  CHAPTER 1

  Welcome to My World

  Last night my husband, Mauricio, made a beautiful bubble bath for me. Don’t get too excited, though; it’s a rare occurrence! But it was nice. He even lit two of my favorite vanilla pillar candles. Very romantic.

  I slipped into the water and was just starting to relax when my three-year-old daughter, Portia, came running into the bathroom squealing, “Yay! Bubbles!”

  The next thing I knew there were all these Barbies and other dolls and ducks floating in the tub. I ended up taking my bubble bath with Ariel from The Little Mermaid and a couple of her friends. So much for romance!

  Mauricio and I had to laugh. We laugh a lot around this house!

  When you’re a mother of four, you don’t have a lot of time for yourself—or much of a chance to spend quiet, romantic moments with your husband (as he keeps reminding me).

  And since I became one of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, my schedule has gotten even crazier. Filming all the time and traveling for the show, taking care of my kids and my husband, and trying to look good through it all just leaves me completely exhausted. Sometimes it feels like there’s no time to even breathe! I look in the mirror and think, Oh my God, this show is aging me!

  And then, again, I just have to laugh.

  If you’re a working mom, you know exactly what I’m talking about. I have it a lot easier than some mothers, of course. I really respect and admire women who have no choice but to work long hours away from their families, yet still manage to keep everyone and everything going, some without even the support of a husband.

  I’ve always been fortunate. Anyone who watches Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, or just Real Housewives, as I refer to it, knows that my family lives a comfortable life. You might even assume that in real real life all of us who live here just sit around sipping champagne and getting our hair done when we’re not lunching or limo-ing, while the kids are off who-knows-where with the nannies.

  But you would be wrong—about me at least. It’s true that I grew up in this town and have lived here all my life. I’m Beverly Hills born and bred. But I am definitely not your typical Beverly Hills mom.

  * * *

  You Know You Live in Beverly Hills When…

  … You’re the only mommy in the Mommy and Me group!

  … You run into paparazzi at the grocery store.

  … Men have wives who are younger than their kids.

  … Women’s engagement rings are the size of a small car.

  * * *

  Can you believe I know some people who never set foot inside a grocery store? They literally never do the household shopping for their families! They send their housekeeper or nanny or assistant instead. But I do the grocery shopping for my family. It’s just not the same if I don’t; my kids always notice that something isn’t quite right. (My oldest, Farrah, is twenty-three, through college, and has her own apartment now. But Alexia, who’s fifteen, Sophia, who’s almost twelve, and of course Portia are all still here with me.) I know exactly what they want and need.

  Did you see our Real Housewives reunion special after season 1? Do you remember when Andy Cohen asked if any of the cast knew the price of a gallon of milk? I was the only one who raised my hand! And I was only twenty cents off, though I don’t think he was accounting for the higher prices in Beverly Hills. At my house we go through three gallons of milk a week, the one-percent organic kind. Two I get during the weekly grocery shopping and then I usually have to run back for another before the week is over.

  I’ve never had a nanny. I do have a housekeeper, but no nanny. As their mom, I understand and care about my daughters’ needs more than anyone, and I want to be the one making their lunches and driving them to school. I want to spend every single minute I possibly can with my kids. Those are the most precious moments in the world to me.

  As you may know, I’m opinionated. Ha! So this book is my chance to express my opinions about various aspects of my life, and the way I do things. People have been asking me for advice forever, it seems. Maybe it’s something I got from my mom. She was known among my sisters and friends as “the guru” because she was so good at giving advice. Now that I have a higher profile because of the show, all sorts of people, not just friends or family but even complete strangers, ask me about my life—and for my input about theirs.

  For one thing, I think people see that I have a good marriage, and they want that for themselves. I really do have a good marriage and I am grateful for that: Mauricio is a wonderful husband and a fantastic father. (And you may have noticed how gorgeous he is. A little side benefit there!) I love the life that we’ve built together. One question I’m often asked is, “What’s the secret to a happy, lasting marriage?”

  Look, I don’t pretend to have a doctorate in wedded bliss! I’m not a marriage counselor, but I do know what has worked for me. Growing up with two older sisters in a house full of women, I received quite an education about men and how to play the game of love, and I’m always happy to share what I’ve learned. So I’ll fill you in on some of the things I tell people when they come to me for advice. I’m amazed at the stupid moves we women sometimes make in our relationships, and I want to help you avoid them! I will also give you a few simple strategies to help you find the kind of man you want and build the kind of relationship you want. In other words, find him, catch him, keep him! Ha-ha!

  I get other kinds of questions too—girlie questions about my hair and makeup. I love talking about that stuff; it’s so fun! And maybe I do know more about those topics than some of the folks in my hometown, because, in contrast to the norm around here, I do my own hair and makeup most of the time. I don’t want to spend my whole life at the salon, and I don’t want to be shelling out that kind of cash all the time either, so I typically do my hair and makeup myself. And you don’t have to spend a lot of money to care for your looks. I’ll point you to the products, most of which you can buy at the drugstore, that I totally swear by.

  And fashion. How could I resist going there? You know I love it! Recently CNN and InStyle magazine both named me one of the most stylish TV housewives of all time! I can’t even describe how flattered that makes me feel, because I’m really just trying to figure it out like everybody else! When it comes to dressing myself, I face the same kind of dilemmas you do, for example, how to draw attention away from certain parts of my body I don’t really like. I’ve always had problem areas, and let me tell you, having four kids has not i
mproved the situation! I understand the challenge of looking nice and put-together for your husband when you’ve been running around like a maniac all day.

  Fortunately you don’t have to spend a fortune on your wardrobe either. I’ve learned how to make some carefully chosen expensive pieces work together with a lot of inexpensive things. I’ll tell you how I do it, and I’ll give you all my theories about how to dress so you feel beautiful. Because you know if you feel beautiful, you’ll look like it too!

  Then there is the topic of money. A ver-r-r-y interesting topic in this town. I want you to know that I am not made of money. Yes, Mauricio and I are very well-off. We have a beautiful house and beautiful things (we’re not complaining!). But we have nowhere near the wealth of many of the people we know. We have three more girls to send to college, so we have to think seriously about how we spend our money. But that’s okay with us.

  Growing up in L.A. I’ve seen many people competing to have the nicest car and the biggest house and the most attitude. It’s so ridiculous. I have friends who are having a hard time keeping food on the table right now, and friends who are billionaires, and everything in between. When Mauricio and I were first married, we didn’t have much. And who knows? That may be true again. Things could always change. That’s what I tell my girls: “You don’t know what the future holds. You don’t know what you’ll have or what you won’t.” But it really doesn’t matter. Someone can have millions of dollars and a twenty-five-thousand-square-foot home, but it doesn’t make their life better than yours or mine. They may not have the husband I have or your fabulous kids. I’ve never felt intimidated by the overabundance of wealth in this town, and I sure never hold it over someone who has less than me. I treat everyone with respect, no matter where they come from or who they are or what they have. I certainly enjoy and appreciate the nice things Mauricio and I have. We’re blessed. But those monetary blessings aren’t the most important things in my life.

  * * *

  Pull It Together

  I don’t look paparazzi-ready every time I leave the house. But I do try to look pulled-together. It’s not that hard, but I believe it entails four absolute musts:

  1. Being fresh and clean.

  2. Having my hair look decent, which for me means blow-drying it.

  3. Wearing earrings. Gotta have ’em. I feel naked without them!

  4. Putting on lip gloss. I just won’t go without lip gloss—even in my own home!

  * * *

  What matters more than anything to me are relationships—my family, my friends, the ones I love. I think I have this persona now from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills that I’m this really strong girl, some kind of roaring tiger. The truth is I do have a lot of inner strength, but I’m also very emotional. I’m very sensitive—overly sensitive, maybe. I am touched easily and quite intensely by things, and sometimes I’m given to uncontrollable tears. I don’t think it came across in season 1 that I’m not only passionate, but also com-passionate. Hopefully in season 2 viewers saw me as not just a tiger but a pussycat sometimes too. (I suppose I can be fierce, but that’s one aspect of my personality, not the majority of who I am.)

  Mostly I’m a wife and a mother who puts her children at the absolute center of her world. So much of what I do and base my life on revolves around doing what’s right for them. People often ask me about that too—about being a mom and juggling the demands of that role with the show and everything else. Well, get ready, because I adore talking about my kids! They’re my favorite topic!

  One of the most important things I try to pass on to my daughters is confidence. It’s not always easy to be confident, but, as I like to say, when you’re not feelin’ it, you just have to fake it till you make it! This is one of my favorite expressions, and you’ll hear me use it more than once in this book. It doesn’t mean you should be someone you’re not, but confidence lives inside you, even when you can’t feel it. Faking it till you make it is just part of the process of finding that confidence and nurturing it and letting it come to the surface.

  I believe confidence comes from being yourself. From watching Real Housewives some people might think that my life is all glamour. Ha! So untrue! When I entertain, though, I do want my guests to feel glamorous. You may know from the show that Mauricio and I love to throw a party! I can share some of my secrets to throwing a good one in record time—while keeping costs down too. Entertaining is a way to express yourself creatively, but it’s also a way of celebrating family and friendship and fun. It’s an expression of love. That’s why I want my guests not only feeling glamorous but also feeling comfortable. I want everyone to relax and be themselves.

  Being myself is something I do well. And “myself” is not glamorous all the time! Believe me, life is not like the movies around here! It’s funny. One night my daughter Alexia was at a party and I went to pick her up. I was the first mom to arrive, and I didn’t want to go in to get her and embarrass her, so I texted her that I was outside. After a while still no Alexia, so I texted her again and said, “You better hurry and come out or I’m coming in to get you like this!”

  And that would have really embarrassed her because I was in my pajamas! While I was waiting I took a picture of my slippers and tweeted it. I got so many comments from people laughing, saying, “Oh my God, I can’t believe you pick up those kids yourself!”

  “I can’t believe you’re actually wearing your slippers!”

  “You’re just like a normal person!”

  That makes me laugh. I am a normal person! Of course I am! That’s why I relate to you.

  And why I want to share what’s worked for me in my life.

  So let’s get started. Let’s talk, girlfriend to girlfriend, and I’ll tell you everything I know.

  CHAPTER 2

  Mr. Right

  People always ask my advice about relationships—my friends, my daughters, my daughters’ friends, lately even people who simply walk up to me on the street! It’s gotten to the point that I think I could do a “Dear Kyle” column.

  I do have some expertise in this area, partly from growing up in a house full of girls and listening to my mom guide them through all their boyfriend issues. But I’ve also gained insights from my own experience and from great couples I know among my friends and family.

  When people ask me, “What’s the secret to lasting love?” I tell them that it’s based on many factors, but one stands out above the rest. My absolute, number-one tip for creating a successful relationship is…

  Pick the right guy.

  Seriously. The quality of the people within a relationship is the greatest indicator of the quality of the relationship. Choosing a person who truly and deeply shares your values and goals will do far more to keep love alive than a whole closet of sexy lingerie!

  * * *

  Don’t Kid Yourself

  So you think he’s the one? Really? Really? It’s very easy to get carried away when you fall in love. You may feel certain you’ve found your ultimate dream guy because of this or that. For example:

  » We have great chemistry!

  » We have so much in common!

  » We have great sex!

  » We have such fun together!

  » He tells me he loves me!

  I’m sorry, but these things do not guarantee he’s the one you should spend your whole life with. And I know that last one, especially, is a bummer. But it’s the most dangerous one! Keep your head! Don’t get swept away by your feelings or his words. Instead…

  Ask Yourself

  When you find yourself dreaming of china patterns and the pitter-patter of little feet, it’s time to get serious—with yourself. You have to be ruthlessly honest about determining whether the guy truly has the qualities you’ll both need to build a lasting relationship. Answer these questions:

  » How attentive is he to you? If a man doesn’t make you feel adored and taken care of, he doesn’t deserve you.

  » What’s his relationship with his mother? We’r
e looking for respectful and kind here. Close—but not too close! Ha!

  » What are his friends like? Let’s hope they’re wonderful, sweet, honest men who are good to the women in their lives.

  » How does he get along with his family? If he has a good family life before you marry him, he’ll likely be a good family man with you and your kids.

  » How does he treat animals? When I see a single guy who owns a dog I usually assume he has at least some capacity for emotion and sensitivity, and the ability and desire to take care of something or someone other than himself. (My husband, though, never had a dog. Oh well, no one’s perfect.)

  » Last but not least is a real deal-breaker for me, though you may disagree. Does he obviously check out other women when he’s with you? I think it’s not only sleazy and disrespectful; it betrays a certain shallowness that I find totally unappealing. Disgusting!

  * * *

  Okay, this is where I imagine some people chiming in and saying, “Oh yeah, easy for you to say, married to such a great guy.” I can’t argue—I do have a wonderful husband. I’m not denying that fate and chance are part of what steers our lives. I was lucky to find Mauricio.

  But I don’t give luck all the credit. I had something to do with it—I picked a good one! I chose a man who I admired, someone who valued the same things in life that I did, had the same priorities, who treated me—and my daughter—well. Those qualities make up a big part of why I fell in love with him.

  Or, to put it another way, I believe I made a very wise choice. And I believe that any woman can.

  It’s so easy for us to focus on how to please a man. Actually, I think it’s even hardwired into us to some extent because it’s part of our natural impulse to take care of people.